In biology class we learned that the queen bee is the only female that reproduces in a bee hive with her male boy toys (who often dissolve after having sex). She is chosen from birth and fed “royal jelly” which gives her a different structure. The other bees work around the…
having to specify “drawing tablet” after just saying “tablet” for so many years
4/20? You mean 1/5 reduce your fractions did you even learn math
Dear future son/daughter
I know that I may not be the best parent, but swear on my mother fucking life that I will never leave you at the supermarket checkouts alone because I know that shit is terrifying and I’m not a fucking monster
once when i was little, i claimed it was a teacher’s work day so i wouldn’t have to go to school and mom’s not an idiot so of course it didn’t work, but when we got to the school, we found it was a teacher’s work day and that made me think i had super powers so i started trying to kill classmates with my mind to confirm the theory
You thought you had super powers so you immediately attempted to murder everyone
go big or go home
wouldnt it be fucking scary if you had a clock that counted down until the moment you die. like what if it could be altered too like one day it says 70 years left but then you do something and it says 10 minutes left and youre like what the fuck i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up
what if you got on a plane and then as soon as it took off everybodys clock changed to 20 minutes
isn’t that the new Liam Neeson movie
the real reason people make wishes at 11:11 is because it’s scott mccall’s jersey number twice
My mom told me to “find a man who respects you like a sea captain respects the sea.” A man who looks at you with awe and reverence but knows you are a force of nature. I like that.
why do people say “don’t be a pussy” when talking about weakness more like “don’t be a man’s ego” because you know there isn’t nothing more fragile than that
because “pussy” is the shortened form of the word “pusillanimous”, which means “timid, cowardly”
and not the slang word for the female genital region?
literally no one else knows this. nobody.